Evening Shawl

I try to understand whether it is a good eye catcher, I've just started the beginning, and I'm writing it in parts.If you have read this little bit and tell me honestly what you think I would really appreciate.
If I could change one thing in my life. If I had the power to change something in my vie.Je would do anything for vacuum away.but not get anything but want a change can they? regardless of how they long for it.If you really want something, you have to do something you do? "The sun, it must be depressed, it hasent come out for days." Tell me, the dreary streets echo with the sound of our footsteps. It's me and my friend Tilly. There is no error, both of us. Tilly, who is beautiful extrodinarily. waterfalls red hair back like a waterfall. and his green eyes, Peirce may man.her clothing, jingle bells with the sound of muffled. she seems to favor bells because it is covered in them. I asked him why, once "so that when I'm lost you can find me," she said. "Why the sun is depressed?" Beauty asked
"Because the moon has rejected his love" I said, Tilly looked a bit again, her green eyes full of concern.I just smile a little smile and keep walking. My flat bottom shoes began to fill with water. my shawl, began to leave a cold settled in my bones, and still we walked. The cobbled streets diserted seemed like a cemetery. The sun was out, although she was almost halfway day.And poor weather cast a glow some cooling, the guy who screams for you to stay indoors to hang on to heat. The streetposts were still lit by lurid fire, and the shadow they cast, danced on the shop windows. "Embry? Tilly said quietly A had on my hadent shoulder.I realized I had stopped, at stareing flickering shadows. Twarda cast my eyes in the field, and with a nod we started again.

I could not go beyond the third sentence, and I do not need. If your drive is not fascinated by the end of the first line, and your introduction is not good enough.

Firstly, your grammar is off. The limits should be replaced by commas or semicolons, it's annoying to break like that. And take advantage of your "i", please. Use spell check, and run on sentences.

The whole "if I could change one thing in my life ..." face is fairly hackneyed, as is the empty "inside." On the whole, but not interesting. Make something fresh and exciting for now, if people do not want to read.

Hello friends

information, ideas ABT on this site

I hope u can find fresh ideas from here

com theibw / Weight_Loss

pls add point between theibw and COM

Thank you

Hey

Well, I suggest you read books of fiction and the opinion of more grammar they use. It helped me. You have good description

Speech by various characters begin on new lines

The names begin with a capital letter

You can change the time. 'I say' is present tense. Say I "is the past. Re-read and correct your time

Hadent should be had not

When you explain the dialogue with something like "I said and you do not! Where? you must use a comma. For example:
"Because the moon has rejected his love" I said
This should be:
"Because the moon has rejected his love, said I

Your spelling needs work. Have you hit Regulation of e? For example, look for word, we must look

Try to read more books, then edit this
Good luck
x